You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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