so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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