i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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