I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think my moral compass just broke
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