I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
