are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
