Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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