I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
