You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
