Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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