If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
