So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
