totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
