As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
