she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
