Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
