She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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