wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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