I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
