did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
