Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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