Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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