I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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