Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize