I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
