NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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