it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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