If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
