Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
