I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
