mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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