he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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