Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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