Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
