Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
