Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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