...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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