Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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