my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
