all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
