I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
