Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
