I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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