My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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