Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
