why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
