shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
