Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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