Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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