i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
