Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
