I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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