I could have mohawked her pubes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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