why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
