did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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