how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
