apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
