This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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