We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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