my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
