I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
