I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
