So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
