im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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