Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's like iHOP with fire
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
