Me too!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
