I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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