if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
