Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize