I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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