when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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