just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
