"it" just moved
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
