those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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