So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize