Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
