Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
from now on my penis is your penis
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
