Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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